Or Did You Get Lost in Amsterdam?

Sorry, excuse the Guster reference…But, in all seriousness, after venturing to Amsterdam with Uncle Doug this month, I can truly say that I sympathize with all the poor souls who are honestly lost, never to be found, along Amsterdam’s beautiful canal streets. And here is why:

- First of all, regarding Amsterdam’s orientation, the streets are organized into a wagon-wheel design radiating from an epicenter near the train station, situated along the major waterway. Therefore, many streets move around in a circular shape, and the streets change names and directions every few blocks or so. So, you may think that you are heading north if you assume a more logical grid-like pattern, only to look up and realize that you are in a completely different part of town than otherwise intended ... and you took the long way to get there.

- The trams in Amsterdam have full authority to run right down the middle of otherwise pedestrian-only walkways. So, as you innocently wander the streets lining Leidesplein perusing overly- priced postcards, don’t be surprised if you hear a loud clanging behind you and turn to find yourself facing a tram heading full speed in your direction. You thought you were safe, but you were wrong. I hear that there are a significant number of these “accidents” every year.

- As you probably know, there are a number of special “coffee houses” in and around the town where you can indulge in a smoke or a seemingly harmless “brownie”. That, paired with the often excessive drinking that I witnessed (mostly by tourists), can make a dangerous combination… especially if you happen to wander out of the coffee house feeling a bit, shall we say, “light-headed” and get lost or hit by a tram. It’s all related folks… feel the pattern.

- Ok, let’s be honest… if I went there again, I would probably never come back either. Despite its bad reputation, Amsterdam is an extremely cool city. It has just about everything you could ever want or need: awesome restaurants of every nationality, an extremely diverse population of open-minded people, incredible museums and theaters, wonderful bustling squares filled with shady beer gardens to nurse a Heineken, beautiful gardens of tulips…and a Ben and Jerry’s (yes, I had Oatmeal Cookie Chunk for the first time since November, and I relished in every moment of it). New York City truly should have kept its original namesake (New Amsterdam), because Amsterdam sincerely reminds me of the European version of the “city that never sleeps”, a true cultural capitol of the world.

I was in Amsterdam as a tagalong on one of Doug’s planned University of Wisconsin educational travel trips, so I got to partake of all the culture Amsterdam has to offer. Apart from eating at delightfully yummy places, I got to hear lectures on Dutch art and attend guided tours through the Van Gogh museum, the Rembrandt House, and the Rijksmuseum. We saw a Beethoven performance in the incredible Koncertgebouw’s main hall, heard a Bulgarian pianist perform Chopin and Debussy, and listened to the most interesting “jazz” performance I’ve ever seen. It consisted of a talented pianist accompanied by a wildly eccentric drummer who banged on anything and everything he saw to incomprehensible rhythms that apparently only he could hear. It was wildly entertaining until his stick broke and catapulted into the head of an audience member in the first row. Luckily nothing was severed or had to be dislodged, so, to the dismay of most of the audience, the concert continued. Those on the first row, however, did don sunglasses as protective wear and cover their heads every time he whacked the drum too hard.

Probably my favorite day on the entire trip was the day when I got to have a “date” with Uncle Doug, and we went on a daytrip to nearby Haarlem. There, we got to see a huge church with incredible wooden ceilings and the most beautiful organ with over 5,000 pipes, played by both Handel and Mozart. After taking a short walk through the city to see their authentic windmill, we rented bikes from a really sketchy guy and rode to the coast. We had bought some genuine Gouda cheese and other goodies (including fresh rolls, olive spread, sun-dried tomatoes, and shrimp), so we had a nice picnic by the sea before returning home through the sand dune paths. We almost made it back without any hitches, but we couldn’t quite outrun the eminent rain and ended up soaking wet. All in all, we felt very European.

Final note: Amsterdam is cool. You should go there.